I really need to get out of this place. I don't feel included, even when I try to include myself, I'm always caste out. So what if I don't wear the latest fashion. So what if I don't have a high paying job where I can afford the hottest car on the market. So what if I'm not the hottest guy in the crowd. So what if I'm religious and dedicate my life to help the well-being of others. At least I dedicate my life to something personally worthwhile to others, instead of spend hours behind some desk prison just to make a damn paycheck. What I've honestly learned from living here for the past 24 years: being moral is culturally frowned upon, if you say you are Christian at all people automatically label you as one of those people who is going to push people to believe or burn in hell, if you don't wear the latest fashion and look flawless you are trashy. This place is hell, and as hell it shall remain, and as hell it shall end. People are too materialistic and greedy. Everyone wants more and better. This culture has failed in it's human responsibility, become blind, shallow, and deaf to pain that people speak of. It's driven me to a loneliness that is turning into insanity.

I feel like since they don't give me enough of a chance, then I won't give them a chance. I am abandoning kind words and ideals toward the suburban culture, and infiltrating their society with their wrongs. I FEEL like I should make them feel terrible, heartless, shallow, unloving, cold, and damned. I FEEL like this is what I SHOULD do. But it is right to love our enemies, but I feel like I'm in a concentration camp.

I have to keep my eyes on the light, the outside world, its the only way to survive this hell.